Showing posts with label Life - Well-being. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life - Well-being. Show all posts

8 Steps To Save Your Marriage


1. Make a list of all the issues you argue about. Treatment will be complete when you have found mutually agreeable solutions to these issues, and have learned the skills to resolve new issues as they arise with similarly win-win solutions.
2. Focus on yourself. Attempts to make your partner change invite defensiveness. Instead, use your energy to figureout what you could do differently to stay loving and good-humored when your partner does something you hate. Become “self-centered” in the best possible sense.
3. Cut the crap. The negative muck you give each other is totally unhelpful. It only taints a positive relationship. So, no more criticism, complaints, blame, accusations, anger, sarcasm, digs or snide remarks.
No more anger escalations either. Stay in the calm zone. Exit early and often if either of you start to get heated. Calm down and re-engage cooperatively.
Research psychologist John Gottman has found that marriages generally survive if the ratio of good to bad interactions is five to one. But do you want to survive, or do you want to thrive? If thriving is your goal, aim for a ratio of a million to one. That means, don’t sling mud at all.
4. Express concerns constructively. A simple way to do that in sensitive conversations is to stick with the following trio of options for sentence starters: “I feel [followed by a one-word adjective]“; “My concern is …”; or “I would like to …”
5. Make decisions cooperatively. I call that the “win-win waltz.” The goal of the win-win waltz is to reach solutions that please you both. No more aiming to “get your way.” Instead, when you have differences, express your underlying concerns, listen to your partner’s concerns and create solutions that respond to both.
6. Eliminate the three As that ruin marriages. Affairs, addictions, and excessive anger are relationship dealbreakers. They are out-of-bounds in a healthy marriage.
If you are indulging in one of these self-defeating and relationship-destroying habits, get help and get it out of your life pronto. If your spouse is the one with the problem, trying to save the marriage may be a mistake. Either build a new kind of marriage where these do not occur, or end the marriage.
7. Radically increase the positive energies you give your partner. Smile more; hug more; have more sex; be more appreciative; spend more time dwelling on the things you like about each other; help each other out more; praise each other more; laugh more; agree more; do more fun things together. The best things in life really are free. And the more positives you give, the more you’ll get.
8. Learn the skills for a successful marriage. Would you expect to drive a car without first taking driver’s ed? Find books and marriage education courses to learn the communication and conflict resolution skills for marriage partnership. Then, in addition to saving your marriage, you’ll make it a loving success.

Is Relaxation the Best Medicine?



You may know that your body is brilliantly equipped with natural self-repair mechanisms that repair broken proteins, kill cancer cells, fight infections, retard aging and generally keep your body healthy. But did you know that these self-repair mechanisms can be flipped on or off with the power of thoughts, beliefs and feelings that originate in the mind?
It’s not New Age hocus pocus. It’s simple physiology! Here’s how it happens for the nerds among you who, like me, like to understand how things in the body work.
The Stress Response Vs. Relaxation Response
Your nervous system operates in two different states – the “fight-or-flight” stress response, when the sympathetic nervous system dominates, and the relaxation response, when the parasympathetic nervous system is in charge. But here’s the kicker: your body’s natural self-repair mechanisms only activate when your body is in a relaxation response!
The average person experiences 50 stress responses per day, and every time you have a fearful thought or a pessimistic belief or a resentful feeling, you trigger stress responses that fill the body with poisonous stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine. But when you have an optimistic belief or a loving thought or a feeling of compassion, you activate relaxation responses, and the body can then do what it does best: heal itself.
Balancing The Nervous System
How can you help your body heal itself? It’s all about reducing stress responses and adding in relaxation responses. Reducing your stress requires taking a good look at your life to determine whether there are any areas where you’re living out of alignment with your truth and personal integrity. Maybe you’re in a soul-sucking job or a toxic relationship, or maybe it’s time to finally forgive your father or pursue a dream. While reducing stress responses can require some radical actions, activating relaxation responses can be easy and pleasurable.
Here are a few scientifically-proven relaxation response activators:

  • Laughter
  • Playing with animals
  • Meditation
  • Dance
  • Generous giving of time or gifts
  • Massage
  • Creative expression
  • Attending religious services
  • Practicing gratitude
  • Nurturing touch
  • Seeing an alternative medicine practitioner
  • Listening to music
  • Still not sure how to heal yourself? Get quiet and tap into your intuition and ask yourself this one question – “What does my body need in order to heal?” Let yourself hear the truth, and then choose one baby step you can take right now that will either reduce stress responses in your life or increase relaxation responses. Then muster up your courage and take action!

What are your zits telling you?




Zone 1 & 2: Digestive System — Eat less processed or junk food, reduce the amount of fat in your diet, step up water intake and opt for cooling things like cucumbers.

Zone 3: Liver — Cut out the alcohol, greasy food and dairy. This is the zone where food allergies also show up first, so take a look at what you’re eating. On top of that, get some exercise and adequate sleep so your liver can rest.

Zone 4 & 5: Kidneys — Anything around the eyes, including dark circles, point to dehydration. Bottoms up!

Zone 6: Heart — Check your blood pressure and Vitamin B levels. Look into ways to lower your cholesterol level, replace “bad fats” with “good fats” such as Omegas 3 and 6 found in nuts, avocados, fish and flax seed. On top of that, this area is chock-full of dilated pores, check that your makeup is not past its expiry date or is skin-clogging.

Zone 7 & 8 (ears): Kidneys — Again, drink up! And cut down on aerated drinks, coffee and alcohol, as these will cause further dehydration.

Zone 9 & 10: Respiratory system — Do you smoke? Have allergies? This is your problem area for both. If you don’t check any of these boxes, your body may be overly acidic. Avoid foods like meat, dairy, alcohol, caffeine and sugar and alkalise the body with green vegetables and green juices like wheatgrass or kale.

Another thing that most people forget – dirty cell phones and pillow cases are two of the top acne culprits and this area is what they affect the most! Wipe your phones clean and wash your sheets regularly!

Zone 11 & 12: Hormones — This area is where your body tells you your body is going through some stress or hormonal changes. While both are sometimes unavoidable, you can try and help your system by getting adequate sleep, drinking enough water and avoiding the usual nasty foods.

Another interesting point: breakouts in this area indicate when you are ovulating and on which side.

Zone 13: Stomach — Step up the fibre intake, reduce the toxin overload and drink herbal teas to help with digestion.

Zone 14: Illness — Zits here can be a sign that your body is fighting bacteria to avoid illness. Give your body a break, take a yoga class, take a nap, take time to breathe deeply, drink plenty of water and know that everything always works out!

While this face map is a good indication of why you’re experiencing breakouts, as with all medical issues, it’s best to consult your doctor or a dermatologist to give you a prognosis.

How Your Body Stays Young



Do you know that your body is 15 ½ years old? You probably have had more birthdays than that – I certainly have.

“According to recent research, that’s the average age of your body – your muscles and guts, anyway. You might think that you have been around since the day you were born, but most of your body is a lot younger,” says Gaia Vince at New Scientist magazine.

The reason the average age is 15 ½ years is because every day 432 billion cells die and are replaced with new cells. That is a lot of cells.

Last week for instance, I cut myself while chopping vegetables; that cut healed completely which means millions of cells were replaced. It doesn’t stop there though: all over my body, old cells are dying and are being replaced. It’s happening in your body too.

Your gums, your red blood, cell your skin – almost everything. This regeneration is happening right now, as you are reading this.

Fascinating Facts About the Regenerating Body:

• Cells in our digestive system, from the stomach to the large bowel, are replaced every 5 minutes.
• Gums are replaced every two weeks.
• A new liver every five months.
• New covering of skin every four weeks.
• Our red blood cells live 120 days.
• Our heart is replaced every six to nine months.
• Your liver is capable of renewing and repairing from as little as 25 percent of its tissue.
• New studies are indicating that even brain cells may regenerate.

This is the miracle of the human body: the miracle of regeneration. The body looks the same in the mirror every day, but this is only because we can’t see the tiny parts being replaced.

That process makes me highly optimistic that you could have a better functioning body next year if you want, with less pain and more energy… if you take the right steps.

Is Your Body Degenerating Or Regenerating?

We know that in a fashion we are creating a new body by slowly getting new cells every day. The question is whether our new cells will be a healthier or less healthy.

The quality of the new cells is dependent on the raw material, the food that was available when the replacement cells were being formed. If you feed the body the proper food and nutrition, the new cells being formed can actually be stronger and healthier then the old cells ever were.

This is called regeneration. If you feed the body poorly, the result will be cells of an inferior quality. This is degeneration.

There are limits to this of course. Reasearchers estimate that 30 percent of our health is determined by genetics. You can do a LOT with 70 percent though and even the expression of genetics has been shown to be moderated by the environment.



The Big 5 Degenerators (These steal our health):

1. Processed foods are dead food with calories but almost no nutrients! All processed food is deficient in enzymes that are necessary for digestion. It fills your body, especially your liver, with chemicals that are used to create a long shelf life for the products. Research by a team at the London University College suggests that a diet high in processed food increases the risk of depression.

2. Sugar is known as the “white death” for many reasons. It depresses the immune system. Just one teaspoon of sugar depresses the immune system for two hours. It depletes calcium. And we wonder why there is so much osteoporosis! Sugar overworks the pancreas creating a roller coaster effect. Sugar does not contain any vitamins or minerals, just lots of fat-building calories.

3. Alcohol is toxic to the liver, depletes B vitamins, depresses the nervous system, and inhibits the role of the bone marrow’s job of regenerating blood cells. Nerve connections between brain cells are affected by alcohol which inhibits communication signals, slowing down mental processing. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) says: “Two studies compared brain shrinkage in alcoholic men and women and reported that male and female alcoholics both showed significantly greater brain shrinkage than control subjects. Studies also showed that both men and women have similar learning and memory problems as a result of heavy drinking.” You can have fun and be silly without alcohol. I do.

4. Caffeine (highly addictive) puts stress on the adrenal glands, negatively affecting the nervous system, causing emotional fatigue. As a diuretic it dehydrates the body and depletes calcium, magnesium, and phosphorous. In some people it can increase blood pressure. Caffeine is not just in coffee! One can of Coke has approximately 35 mg of caffeine. Other soda pops have from 35 to 50 mg of caffeine, and they are full of sugar too.

5. Rancid fats and oils (deep fried foods, baked goods) create free radicals which injure cell membranes, enzymes and DNA. They stress the digestive system and the liver and raise blood cholesterol. Fats and oils also contain 120 calories per tablespoon.

Now you know what doesn’t work to create a healthy body. Feed your cells high quality food so that regeneration occurs.



Here’s a short list of items that supply the necessary environment for high quality regeneration. They cost less than most degenerators and some won’t cost you a penny.

The Big 5 Regenerators (Good Guys):

1. Fresh vegetables are filled with vitamins and minerals and are good source of phytochemicals that protect the body from disease and aging. They keep the body alkaline. Eat LOTS. They are the “heavyweights” in regeneration.

2. Fresh fruits are filled with vitamins and minerals, and are a good source of phytochemicals.

3. Whole grains (brown rice, oats, buckwheat, barley, millet, quinoa) are a great source of vitamins, minerals, good fiber and contain some protein.

4. Drink lots of pure water as it is needed for digestion, circulation of body fluids and joint lubrication.

5. Exercise. Nourishing friendships. Being in nature. Sleep. They are important in regeneration too and each one is a subject on its own.

The best thing about regeneration is that you don’t have to think about what your body is doing. All you have to do is set up the proper conditions and your body will take care of everything else.

A healthy body has the ability to heal itself of all (or almost all) problems if properly nourished. Thinking and worrying about it does not enhance the process, it actually can slow it down. You might as well be a carefree teenager just like your 15 ½-year-old body!

Final Factors in Staying Young:

Once the body has the basic raw materials for proper regeneration the next step is how we use that body. Equally important is how we use the mind that “drives” the body.

The body was not meant to sit idle. Neither was our mind. If you are not moving the body regularly, it will become toxic and acidic. Some health professionals say you should not sit for more than one hour without getting up and moving around. I personally like to move around outside so I can also get the sunshine and fresh air.